restless dreams

I’m letting go. I’m letting go of the fact that I get a C in one class. It’s not going to fuck me over…what’s meant to happen will happen. I have a good gpa. One class isn’t going to ruin my life…so why am I so hard on myself? My parents accept it. I’m going to have an amazing life, and one physics grade isn’t going to change it. I need to stop comparing myself to others. I have an awful teacher. Sure, I could have probably tried to get more help, but I didn’t. and I can’t change the past. I only have to study harder. I seriously sound so pathetic right now, but I need to make myself feel better.

Whatever is meant to be, will be.

When people think their bad-ass and they think they’re going to go places in life when they don’t work hard for anything 

and they complain all the damn time but then they promote not complaining

and when they say rude things that hurt other people but they think they’re just helping out but in reality, NOBODY asked for their opinion

and when they think they are better than everyone else so they walk around saying how much they hate everyone but deep down they try so hard to impress everyone

and when they complain about a bad grade or a hard class but they don’t do anything to try to learn, they just whine.

I have problems. We all do. Nobody can say honestly that they are 100% happy. I don’t buy it. The problem is, we focus too much on the little things, and the things that we shouldn’t take for granted, are taken for granted every day.

Failed tests,
study sessions,
sober nights,
wasted fights.

Crying girls,
facebook pics,
Open house,
Closed future.

Stupid mistakes,
big decisions,
Dumb people,
good friends.

Douchebags,
weed 4 sale,
overdue books,
long-lost souls.

It’s like this;

I want to protect you, but I want you to make your own decisions. I want to tell you no, but I also know it’s not my place to state my opinion. I want to tell you, but I’m too afraid of getting hurt.

Is this even going to matter at all in the future?

I wish someone told me how you are before I became close with you.
Because at first, I liked you, now, I avoid you at all costs.
You’re a little immature, you don’t care that what you say is offensive, and I think you’re a little sly under the “good person” persona.
Your remarks are small, but they hurt big.
And you know it.

Nobody gives a fuck about you until you’re gone.

Your life doesn’t mean a thing to anyone until you’re not there to live it anymore.

Nobody chooses their words carefully anymore and chivalry is dead.
So how can I hear all these sounds of love that you create in my head?

Is there far too much evil in the world to ever make it good?

Do we all have evil in us, or do we have evil thrust upon us?

If so, where did it start?

Are there too many problems to ever have a solution?

Too many people question kindness and expect evil from others.

Why isn’t it the other way around?

Are there any good people left in the world?

Or are we all going mad?

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways”

One of the saddest and most enligtening things to see are other people’s problems and realizng how small yours are.

“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.”

A year ago today was one of the best days of my life.

Where are you now?

I promise you that I’ll learn from my mistakes.